of which just one exists in all the millions of stars
may 15, 2009

lazy spoken word

the day after mother's day
i woke up just like any other day
late
shirtless and aching
checking to see if the bruise on my chest decided to go away
no. unfortunately still there. give it some time.

i walked to my parents' room to greet them good morning
to hear the daily complaint of
'why do you sleep so late and so long'
to kiss my mom's forehead
and assure her that things are okay
don't worry

but on that particular morning
my parents were gone
probably on some obscure errand
my brother was still in school
so i had the house to myself

and like any other morning i walked downstairs
to read the paper
but a sad sight caught my eyes

by the window were the 25 flowers i had given my mom
24 pale pink roses
pink is said to be the color that conveys gratitude
i remember that
and in the center of the vase
was the red rose i had given her from my graduation

but it was sad
because the flowers were already beginning to die
i thought about how funny it was even getting them in the first place

i wanted to surprise my mom
and generally, i'm okay with surprises
but the day before mother's day
i stole her car
which i've never driven before and am not insured for
to drive to the market to get her flowers
it was supposed to be a quick and easy trip while she was out with my dad
but there was a strike at the market
limited cashiers
and the woman in front of me decided to go into the express lane with forty items
and a multitude of coupons.
and to pay by check.

so my parents got home before i did
and you can imagine that when they opened the garage
and saw a car missing (one that i never drive)
their first thought probably wasn't too positive
actually, one of the cars in our neighborhood had its stereo-system stolen earlier this week
so they probably were thinking
"oh my god, robbers. are paulo and matty okay?"

so i think it's funny when i came home not too much later
with flowers in my hand
"these are for you"
when people ask me what i got my mom for mother's day
i jokingly reply, "a heart attack"

and so now my flowers
sitting in a vase by the window
were dying
mom took too long to get them in water
and she filled the vase too high
i sighed ... walked over to them and began
a dramatic surgery in an attempt to revive them

the vase was dirty
because it's been in the basement for so long
it's been a while since our house has seen flowers
i think i'm the only one who knows remotely how to take care of them here
i love flowers

as i was cutting the stems of the 25 flowers
i thought back to how this used to be more common for me
how fixing up roses used to be a task i could look forward to on any given day

a particular flower came to mind
one that i had bought for rena on a cold winter night
and while we waited for a bus ride home, so did our flower
while i embarrassingly tried to get her attention with bad salsa dancing
our flower began to dry out

and we never even noticed
until it began to droop on the first night
we took turns trying to revive it
doting on it like guilty parents

i remember getting out of bed
to see if its condition had improved
and how excited we were
in the morning
waking and seeing it stand on its own
she bragged about how she'd saved it
and of course i tried to take all of the credit, too
that flower lived long enough to bloom

25 cuts later. a clean vase with the right amount of flower food.
moved out of direct sunlight.
with no leaves in the water.
i wanted to tell my mom
this is how you take care of a flower
but instead i just hoped they'd last a few days longer for her to enjoy

as i write this, i'm sitting in front of a vase of 25 dying flowers
i think i managed to get a few more days out of them
but come tomorrow when i wake
they probably already will have been thrown out
and i'm thinking
maybe it really was you that saved that flower
because i can't do as well alone

in the fall when i'm away again
and my parents can't nag me about wasting my money on trivial things
i'm always going to keep a single rose on my desk
for me to take care of
and appreciate

"if someone loves a flower ..." -the little prince