i know no other way than this
march 24, 2009

reading

i am lucky to have felt your fingertips
tracing hearts on my skin
moments without words
your sleepy eyes watching your fingers
writing every letter of i love you
on my hand
as if you weren't controlling them

your hands were small
but fit perfectly in mine
i felt strong holding you

though you'd seen my eyes puffed up and swollen
though you'd heard me when i was unable to speak
louder than my sobs
i felt strong when you were safe

for all of this pain
i was lucky

to have had days with you
and only you

some were slow and steady
and blissfully unproductive
others were fast and filled
with all the impatience of young love

but being loved by you
always made it seem like
we alone knew
the perfect rhythm
of the song that we danced to
on a summer night, soaking wet
under the stars

on these sleepless nights
when nothing makes sense
i spend hours trying to reason
in circles
until i admit to myself
words that you've read out loud
from my favorite poem:
i know no other way than this

on these sleepless nights
when nothing makes sense
i think of how lucky i am to have felt
your fingertips tracing hearts on my skin
and as much as it hurts, i think
for all the pain
i was lucky
then i can sleep