i make promises
march 07, 2009

swathi sent me a soundclip of her reading an entry, so i thought i'd do the same. click

i make promises to myself during the day that are hard to keep.
in my head, i resolve to do certain things, and for my heart
i convince myself not to do others.
i fail - pretty often.
but at the very least, it teaches me how to pick myself back up.

on the rare occasions where i accomplish the goals i set for myself
the feelings of joy and pride are usually absent
i tell myself "finally"
and enjoy a very brief sense of calm

that feeling is what i'm lacking most in my life right now.
the feeling that things are
just right
that they're just right.
calm

it's a feeling that i've come to associate so much with love
it's not always elation
it's not always a sweeping off of feet
but moments where even the most frigid waters can't make you shiver
for even just a minute or two
when things are right

i've found that it's something i can give myself
on rare occasions where i actually accomplish the goals i set for myself
i look in the mirror
and despite aching muscles or swollen eyes
whether accompanied by a sigh of relief or not
i feel it.
finally

then the moment passes, and it's back to work.