my scattered thoughts, my boring day
february 05, 2009

it's 1:28 a.m, and i'm on my back ... on my bed ... and staring at my ceiling. thinking that i have a beautiful room with pale blue walls and a rather big bed. i haven't fixed it all day. i'm listening to my favorite songs thinking thoughts that i'll save for another day of writing. at the moment, i'm listening to priscilla ahn's "dream". i feel healthy, though i know i'm not exactly that right now. but i'm glad at least that i can feel this way ...although, it really doesn't make much sense.

my whole body aches. my eyes are all puffed up from multiple break downs today, and now ... at the end of the day, i just feel calm. exhausted. but calm.

today started with my dad coming into my room at 7 in the morning to see if i was okay. it's kind of funny because he came in to check if i had a fever, which is already kind of funny because fevers have nothing to do with my sickness. but the way he tries to check my temperature is the way people traditionally check for a pulse in the neck. so ... imagine my surprise when i wake up to the thought of my dad checking if i'm alive or not ... haha. i feel so bad that my parents have been worried so sick, but i guess the funny things they do ease the feeling a little bit. ex: my dad again ignored the suggestions of my doctor to be on a liquid diet and went out to chipotle to go buy me food. he didn't tell me this ahead of time - so i got a call when he was already at the store asking me what i wanted. i tried to remind him of the liquid diet to which he responded that i can just chew my food really well so that's it's liquid. realizing i wouldn't win this fight ... i just thanked him and asked him to get me a quesadilla. he said sure and hung up. 10 seconds later he called back and was sort of freaking out because i don't think he knows what a quesadilla is. "they're making the quesadilla with the soft bread and not the hard taco shell, that's ok, right?" is it bad that these things honestly make me feel better? i love my parents so much ...

i got a text message at around 10 a.m from my very sweet, very fobby friend, wishing me good morning and telling me to go outside and feel the "sun power." after reading that i promptly hopped back into bed and took a nap. i then broke down very non-specifically to a good friend that called me today. brought me to tears. so embarrassing. my dad walked into the room when i was a complete mess so i hid myself under the covers and told him i'd be right out ... cleaned myself up and asked him if he wanted to go to the gym with me.

taking the car out for a drive with my dad was somewhat therapeutic. i drove him to a few places he needed to go to for errands and then drove to the gym. did about an hour of cardio and was surprised that nothing seemed to be hurting from the exercise the whole time. i feel it now ... my chest hurts =( i miss you

got consulted by another doctor today. she recommended acupuncture, so i guess i'll try that within the next two weeks. pushing my mcats back probably until things get better settled. sighsigh .. such a hassle! goodnight ...