some quick thoughts
february 03, 2009

the doctor prescribed a mostly liquid diet for me for the next few weeks, which my parents try to supplement with disproportionate amounts of my favorite solid foods. i guess they're like me in the fact that they believe good intentions are enough sometimes - so, i do what i can to humor them. it might be all in my head, but i've been feeling more tired as a result throughout the day. i've been trying to take mini-naps to counter it ... my sleeping schedule (for the most part) has returned to normal. i sleep before midnight now and wake up before 10, but i've been feeling physically and emotionally exhausted all day.

to try and give myself more energy i've begun alternating between strength training and some cardio at the gym. i guess the desired result is to give me more energy in the long run, but right now my muscles are just more sore. the beginning of exercise cycles for me are always the crappiest. you know, the parts where you see little to no results and you give your body hell pushing yourself to get there. in the end, i know it's worth it ... so for now i just get up and do what i can.

i guess that's the general feeling i have right now. despite perceived hopelessness and loneliness - no matter how much i just want to be over dramatic and run into a forest or something and scream at the heavens above - i just have to get up and do what i can, knowing that i can be better. it's easier said than done, of course ... especially since i'm the type to think things through to every last detail. but i'm trying to come to a compromise where i can keep the things that are most important to me in my heart (the good and the sad), feel as strongly as i do, and at the same time, strengthen my heart and myself. i don't want to change who i am - i just want to grow.