my bed versus the world
july 24, 2007

i have an unhealthy relationship with familiarity. it's not that i'm afraid of change, but i put too much trust in places i've been before, faces i can recall, and things i've already done. i have an addiction to nostalgia and a good memory - but i am not nearly as adventurous as i'd like to be.

my life is deficient in new things. weeks sometimes just seem like very long days. sunrises don't make new stories of the places i've been. i don't have a map on which i constantly get to mark the discoveries of a new day.

when i put it that way, it really feels like i'm missing out.

but the silver lining is that i've grown very close to the things i've kept close. you love the things you get used to and love them more when you finally manage to change. i know how much space these four walls of my room have made for me - i know precisely what this bed feels like against my bare back. no map is necessary here because i know this place by heart.

it's so hard to move on to new things ... so hard to change ... when you're happy where you are. it takes me half an hour to get out of bed. sometimes i forget there's a world beyond it